Is That Me??

Time is flying past me,
and I'm staring at it idly
as its ticking away
I'm left in a wondering sway
thinking about all the lost seconds, minutes, hours
all the lost time where I could've changed the way my life looks now.

Seems like only yesterday
I was this young lil' thing
lost in the world of my own
painted black, blue and grey.
Don't be alarmed, they're just colours
of the sky on rainy days.
No dark feeling, no dark meaning
to the colours of my choice
there's nothing hidden, they're just random picks.

When you are young, you just follow the flow of your thoughts,
lead you, it may, to not so pleasant paths but then you are allowed to make few mistakes, as you are YOUNG.

Present is a different story,
Past is long gone
Future seems murky
Cos' present seems dull and weary.

Is that me, I'm looking at
either I've turned into an ole pumpkin,
or that mirror is CONVEX.
Either way, I don't like what I see.

and I'm thinking about all the lost seconds, minutes, hours, all the lost time, where I could've chnaged the way my life looks now.

Lost opportunities, lost possibilities

Staring at you from afar,
Looking at you, while looking at my fidgety feet.
Stealing glances when you walk towards the basketball court looking wow so cool!!
Hanging out with your bunch of cool jocks, they don't look so bad either but then my eyes locks down on you.

This warm fizzy feeling is bubbling inside my heart, like a can of coke, it wants to burst out.
But like a demented fool, I can't get these words out, "I like you, do you like me?"

We know each other as friends,
but my feelings ran deep.
My face might give it away,
turning scarlet, as he talks to me this way.
Feigning excuses of heat & weather can't save me all 365 days of the year. Duh!!

Concealing my feelings way too hard, feel like I'm suffocating, keeping all bottled up inside.
Should I just tell him or should I just wait till he breaks up with this girl he's dating (should be about a week at most)

'Twas like a sign from above, going together on a school summer trip.
I clapped my hands & twirled around,
my happiness knew no bound.

To see him everyday for the next 7 days, I was elated & excited with no thought of the perils that awaited me.

The painful trek left me in dumb daze. Mind empty of any romance or any thought of love confession. But like a gallant knight, he came to my rescue, held my hands, blew his warm breath on my rain drenched palms. I could feel the cold melting away replaced by an unknown warmth crept up my spines and spread all over my cheeks. Here I go again, blushing like an idiot. My hidden feelings so completely exposed.

He knows, I'm sure, if not, he's a fool or he's putting on an act so as not to embarrass me by rejecting me. I don't even know what I'm thinking, let alone what he's thinking.
Say something, open your mouth and say anything, this silence is killing me. Then out of the blues, he pushed my head on his shoulder fanning my forehead with his warm breathing. I WENT NUMB!!
Thought I died and went to heaven. I was dreaming, this can't be true, is this really happening??

Thats when I saw my ride coming, an ugly lil' HorAss (mix of horse + ass). Sat atop the pony, awkwardly, failing terribly in making a pretty picture no matter how hard I tried. I held on to it for my mere life.
Bumpy bumpy ride made my stomach wobble and my face cringed in pain. He was there beside me in an instant & held my hand till the end. My Hero!!

Well once we reached the base camp, I was shifted to the girls accommodation, where tried to make myself decent. Then we all met at a tiny tea stall next to the camp. I had so much to say to him, but it was all inside my head & nothing seemed to be coming out of my wretched mouth which refused to open and even utter.
As they say "no guts no glory", in my case "no courage no confession". I couldn't muster up courage (guts) to confess my feelings for him and everything was just left unsaid and I just hoped & hoped that he would miraculously or telepathically understand how I feel for him. Hilarious isn't it!!
Well I definitely said thank you though for rescuing me... to him and to all the other guys as well. :(

The remaining trek went in a complete daze.. blissful daze. He never left my side, we walked hand in hand almost throughout the journey. He was just afraid to let me out of his sight. :) Me Happy!! Who wouldn't be right!!

So that was that, we were back in the city, back in the school and everything went back to square one. Like nothing happened, you know, nothing memorable, everything forgotten. Thats how I felt.
He never mentioned anything about 'US' in the trip whenever we spoke fondly about the summer trip. I felt disappointed and whole lotta sad :( :(
But when a boy from another section proposed and I said Yes, his reaction was not normal, he looked upset and his displeasure showed on his face or was it just my imagination.

Well what can I say, I guess that was my first love and unrequited one at that... and I always regret not telling him and wonder till date "what if I had confessed", would things have been different...

But one good thing came out of this sad love story, a never ending friendship.. we still remain best of friends, and I hope this friendship lasts forever.

Once in a lifetime

New Year Eve 2009 - New Year Eve 2010

My life found its new meaning, love came into my life unannounced and captured my heart wholly.

I never expected life would suddenly change its course and find an untrodden path all on its own.

We saw each other, there were moments of steady intent gazes, but then we went on our own separate ways, living our own separate lives. We bumped into each other again, thanks to the great creation of the Genius, Mr. Mark Zuckerberg. I guess it was Dec 15th or 16th 2009, that we began our quest to conquer each others' heart :) (We started chatting that day.. lol). It turned out, we had plenty in common, from being self acclaimed authors/writers to award winning couch potatoes and many many more.

Together, we were like house on fire, the back and forth correspondence we sent each other are now a part of my amazing fun box which I usually open to bring a little zing into a rather dull and boring day. Writing about them made me crave for another re-read.. just read it all to my heart's content.. its always so much fun to read our messages.. lol.

We actually started talking over the phone on 23rd Dec 2009, checked the date in my mails.. :P

Guess I was at my frens, preparing for a concert and we were just about to have dinner when he called. I couldn't hear him well cos of all the ppl around me, I remember telling him that and I told him I'll call him back in sometime. So, that was our first conversation, hearing each others voice for the very first time. Short wasn't it... lol!!

There were so many first times... first time we confessed love for each other, first time we met & saw each other in person, face to face... to tell u the truth, it was very weird.. talking over the phone is way too diff from actually meeting the person and talking in person, watching the words read and heard coming out from an unknown stranger... hehehe.... but we got through that hurdle too, he was just so supportive and understanding, he just made me get over that phase of slight hesitation with such ease, suaveness and chivalry, that I got completely floored.

REST AS WE SAY IS HISTORY....

We R Getting married Next Year, February.. Feb 16th, 2011, is the wedding date... Well wish me luck as I embark on another quest of my life...

My Life, My Choice!!

Why do people talk so much, why cant they just shut up and mind their own business. Why do they have to open their stupid trap and ruin everything what was going right. Such petty, small, narrow, low thinking beings exists in this world... in my world.. God Why!!!

I was actively preparing for my upcoming rock concert, I was so excited to be performing again after a decade. The fun jam sessions in the evenings, the silly bantering between band mates. Life was going great. Then out of no where, my cousins who I wouldn't have ever expected to be such morons spoilt it all for me, just one day before the slated date for the concert. I was devastated, almost dropped out of the event altogether. They were so discouraging and such spoilsports, calling me all kind of names and scaring me off by reminding me of my wedding in 2months and how the society/community would react to such blatant, loud and crass behaviour by a soon to be bride. But why oh why does the society/community think performing in a rock concert is a crass and cheap act. I seriously dont understand.

I'm just singing and not stripping in public. Oh My God, I dont know why people have to presume that anything done for public entertainment has to be vulgar & trashy. Also I dont get this double standards that society has, why when a guy does the same thing in a similar circumstance, nobody bats an eyelid, he gets off scot free and then when a gal does the same thing... a volcano erupts.. Give us a Break, u cheesy, no good, down-rated, down market folks!!! I'll do as I please, cos its my life and it should be my choice. I acted like a real rockstar & showed my middle finger to all of them who put me down and blocked my way to fame & glory.

Well 23rd Dec marked the rise of a star or rather the rebirth of Venus Noise Trap (as I was called during my Slack Jam days). I had a blast on the stage, even the compering part was super fun with back & forth bantering with the audience.

So, all you guys who are artistes in your own way.. any way.. lol... just dont let the world decide it for you, realize your own talents and potential & show to them, what you made of.

As Mr. Fred Durst correctly puts it... "This time I'm gonna let it all come out

This time I'm gonna stand up and shout,

I'm gonna do things my way,

It's my way

My way, or the highway"

The chills... frzzzzzzz.....

Manipur has never seen or experienced such freezing weather ever... not in a million years.. the temperature has dropped to a minimum of 2 degrees, can u believe it, its not even in the Arctic region.. lol.. M sitting in my office thinking of bright ideas to get myself warm enough to get my fingers properly functioning cos i need to finish a pile of work here.. look at my plight here ppl.

The sun seems to be shining on the other side of the globe n dis face is facing the mother nature's wrath.. ooohhhhh.... my teeth are chattering. M going to put on some nice dance tracks & start dancing or something, otherwise ders jus no way m goin to feel warm. Any better ideas. Well my boss has not stepped in yet, so might as well take full advantage n blow up the speakers n shake my booty.. lmao..

Wasted Sunshine

Just another call, we thought. It was a friend calling to inform and warn us about yet another shoot out, but this time it took place in an immensely crowded market place, B.T road. He also mentioned, a woman getting shot.The news came as a shock and we panicked even though we had nothing to worry about as we were securely sitting inside our office building, but we worried about our family. What if someone in our family was standing right there at that spot, unknown and oblivious of the impending danger lurking around them? What if, a friend, a relative comes in the way of a stray bullet and become its innocent victim? The thought gave us chills and we frantically called everyone to warn them about the situation and to order them to stay indoors.The courageous and curious amongst us, sneaked out of the office, ignoring all the warnings and headed out to the spot where the shoot out had erupted. What they saw there was a horrible, tragic and a heart wrenching sight a young woman lay prone on the ground with a bullet right through her forehead. Next to the dead body, an old lady was holding a wailing and screaming child in her arms. The child was sobbing and screaming out “mama, mama” repeatedly.

I don’t think anyone can comprehend the loss and the plight of that little child, who doesn’t even understand what life and death is all about. He knew something was wrong but do you think, he knows his mother is lying dead in front of his eyes and he’ll never see her smile at him or feel the warmth of her loving embrace.The thought filled me with a deep sense of morose and grief. “Where is our world coming to”, where innocent people are getting ripped off of their precious lives leaving behind destitute and orphaned children. “Is it how you had imagined your world to be?” Negative - I will say firmly. I am very sure, all the sensible people in this part of the world will echo my concern and conviction, that CHANGE is imperative.
We have already lost time in amalgamating a combined voice of the people against those who have been employed for our security and those who pledge to save us from the injustice. Look at the irony of the whole situation. Funny isn’t it, that we find ourselves in a distorted circumstance, where we need protection against the protectors.We pray that the high and mighty holding the power, ultimately succeed in proving who rules the state before the state itself evaporates in thin air.